ADD Coaches Blog

Though sleep is one of the necessary bodily functions, we have significant cognitive control over it. Like the blinking of our eyelids, which we can stop or speed up at will, we can and do change how our body performs sleep. As a broad generalization, people with ADD have greater difficulty in getting to sleep and getting up than our companions, the Neuro-Normals. A simple Google search reveals that much of the literature about sleep hygiene shows how one’s behavior affects sleep onset. This means something that I firmly believe is true. That is, regardless of whether or not you have ADD, if you have a difficult time getting up in the morning it is because that is what you taught yourself.

To paraphrase Thomas Brown, our ADD minds become ‘at attention’ when we are excited about what we are doing and ‘impotent’ when we are not. The neurotransmitters of the attention network work differently when we want to be doing what we are doing. I am an ADD coach and I work with most of my clients on this problem of sleep. The eliciting questions that I use to understand their issues around sleep revolve around their behavior at fun activities. ‘Can you get up to go to rugby practice on Saturday morning?’ ‘On the trip to the beach, were you able to get up with everyone else?’ An answer of ‘yes’ to these or similar questions is a good sign. An answer of ‘no’ means either that there is a more serious sleep issue (see note 1) that must be addressed or the level of being spoiled is high.

From working with the majority of my clients who can get themselves up on the days when there is something exciting to do, I have come up with five ideas to help you get up on those other days:

1. Take responsibility for getting up. This is a crucial aspect of getting up. It is not the alarm clock’s fault, it is the fault of the person who set the alarm. Acknowledging the ‘I’ word is important here. ‘I am responsibility for…’ ‘I set the alarm that…’ ‘I did not…’. Going through the effort of performing adequate ‘sleep hygiene’, (see note 2) which is primarily concerned with going to sleep, is part of taking responsibility for getting up.

2. Be allowed to fail at getting up. This is almost a corollary of the first one. Whoever is waking you up, be it one of your parents or a spouse , a roommate or girlfriend, has to stop taking responsibility for your being successful in the morning. This sense of responsibility is one of your primary motivators. If, in the nether world of your half awake mind, you believe someone is going to come and bail you out, you will not do the work of getting up.

3. Want to get up in the morning. You have to decide that you want to get up, something that can be difficult to do in a half awake state. Addressing this can be approached from two completely different paradigms; from a positive place or negative place. From the negative place, it is needing to get up. The results of steps 1 and/or 2 above, are accomplished by increasing your anxiety of failing. If ‘you’ do not do it, you will fail. Failure is a harsh teacher, and an effective one. The other paradigm, wanting to get up, comes from a positive place. It entails changing your view of the morning. Your feelings and beliefs equating ‘getting up’ with ‘going to work/school’ have to change. Learn to do something else first thing in the morning, be it watch a TV show, go out into the garden, or exercise. You need to get up and, first, do something that is fun for you, before going to work. Then, in your half awake state, it will be easier to want to get up.

4. Understand the architecture of sleep. ‘Sleep architecture’ (see note 3) refers to the pattern our brains go through during the night. During sleep our minds move from the ‘REM stage’ of sleep to ‘Stage 4 Beta’ sleep, and back, several times during the night. This cycle, as a generalization, lasts about 90 minutes. This is an important detail to know. It is easy to wake up if you are at, or near, the REM stage of sleep and difficult to wake up if you are at, or near, the Stage 4 Beta stage of sleep. To be able to wake easily when your alarm goes off at 6:30 in the morning, you need to be in the REM stage of sleep. One of the wonderful things about our brain is that if you tell it at 6:00 that you need to wake up in 30 minutes, no matter where it is in the sleep cycle, it will be at REM stage at 6:30. To do this you need to get a two alarm radio alarm clock. Set the first alarm to quietly play your favorite music at 6:00. It should not be loud at all because you do not want to be prompted to turn it off. What you are doing is alerting your mind to your need to get up in 30 minutes. Then your regular alarm should go off at 6:30. If you are consistent in doing this, you will wake up easily at the time you want. (The regular alarm should not be shocking, just unpleasantly loud. Exceptionally loud alarms, crabby parents or angry roommates only train you to sleep deeper. They increase the problem by prompting protective behavior.)

5. Talk to yourself the night before. An important trick that I have found useful is to talk to yourself the night before about getting up the next morning. This is how to do it. Sit on the side of the bed and look at the alarm clock and say to yourself something like ‘It is 1 AM now. I want to get up at 6:30. That is five and a half hours from now. I have to be at work at 7:30. I will get up and go make a pot of coffee at 6:30.’ While doing this, visualize yourself doing the actions of getting up, etc.

Having ADD, and the problems with sleep that comes with it, can not and must not be seen as an excuse for not being able to get yourself up in the morning. We must teach our children, and as adults we must maintain responsibility for getting up in the morning regardless of our neurological problems.

Below is a list of resources for further information.

1. The Sleep Foundation’s website, http://www.sleepfoundation.org/  has many resources about the various sleep disorders.
2. For a well explained sleep hygiene program go to the website   http://www.sleepdex.org/tips.htm. This site also has an excellent resource and articles page.
3. For a comprehensive explanation of the neuroscience of sleep, including sleep architecture, go to this site http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/sleep.html .

Daniel G. Pruitt, Jr., CPCC PCC SCAC
Parkaire Consultants, Inc.
www.teamparkairecoaching.com
dpruitt@teamparkairecoaching.com

Daniel Pruitt is going to be on the ADDA Fall Teleconference Series tonight at 9 PM Eastern time.

The handouts can be downloaded here:
  TimeManagementHandouts.pdf

The overheads can be downloaded here:
  TimeManagementTalk.pdf

Defeating the Demons of Distraction: Positive Writing Settings

ADD Coaches Blog, July 31, 2007

If you are like me or many other coaches who have home offices, you may be plagued by distractions that interfere with writing productivity. Sometimes the distractions involve a blaring television, barking dog, bickering family members, or deliveries. Other times, you get lost on the internet or in phone conversations, or lose your focus to other household temptations like snacking or hobbies.

There are times I am just not getting down to writing. At such times, I need to mentally get away from it all so I can tune into my writing and tune out of the rest of the world. When the writing is arduous or I’m unfocused, I need to create a structured, pleasant, and non-distracting setting in which to work. Sometimes I can organize that environment in my home office, but sometimes I can’t. I need to change rather than reorganize the setting.

Here are some tips to create positive and non-distracting conditions for writing:

1. Set a time period to write when you are usually most alert.
2. Commit to between 30 to 90 minutes of writing with ample breaks every 20 to 30 minutes.
3. Schedule a regular writing time on your calendar, perhaps 2 to 3 times a week.
4. Find a quiet, non-distracting setting that is different than the one in which you usually work. Designate this place as the writing nook or sanctuary. It can be in a basement, library, or coffee shop, depending on your personal needs and style.
5. Enhance the pleasantness by using energizing fragrances such as evergreen, writing with colored pens, or choosing interesting paper.
6. Get comfortable. Use a cushioned chair, wear a favorite soft jacket, and put on a working hat or visor.
7. Ensure that there is room to spread out and have easy access to materials or resources.

In my own case, I go to the library when I need to concentrate on developing new ideas or working out a problem. I go to a coffee house when the writing task involves less complex or detailed work. What about you?

Try this practical application in the next week:

• Ask questions such as:
  • When was the last time I wrote in an effective way?
  • Under what conditions did this writing occur?
  • Is the setting that I’m using now contributing to progress toward my writing goals?
  • How can I enhance the setting in which I write in terms of lighting, noise, interruptions, or visual distractions?
• Experiment with 1 or 2 other settings, perhaps with better light, less noise, fewer interruptions, etc.
• Make a list of the conditions that seem to be most conducive to staying on a positive writing track.

Next week’s topic will deal with questions sent in by readers of this blog. Until next week–don’t let those Demons of Distraction get you down.

Best regards, Geri

Check out my Web site www.managingyourmind.com to find books and products about the Demons of Distraction.

ADD Coaches Blog, July 17, 2007

Defeating the Demons of Distraction: Brain Freeze

You have a topic. You stare at the page. Your mind is blank. You have what I call a brain freeze. Don’t panic! Whether your anxiety level is up, or your creative well is dry, in most cases, you are only facing a temporary block. This is a common and expected situation for anyone engaging in a creative endeavor.

You can react to this situation in one of two ways: productively or unproductively. If you elect an unproductive reaction, then you berate yourself for being dumb and make comments to yourself such as, “This always happens” or “I’ll never be able to finish.” Such negative self-talk places the blame and shame on you as a person and distracts you from moving from a temporary unproductive state to a more productive, creative one.

The productive reaction views a brain freeze as a challenge to be addressed. This helps you focus on solutions instead undermining your self esteem. It helps you to gain control and not feel helpless. Here are some positive self-statements that will help you unfreeze:

• “I’m temporarily frozen.”
• “This happens to all writers and other creative people such as artists and composers.”
• “I have been productive before and I will be productive again.”
• “I know strategies, activities, and exercises to help me unfreeze.”

Here’s an interesting example of brain freeze: while writing this blog, I tried to come up with an example from my own writing experience and couldn’t! How’s that for irony? I’m sure I’ll remember some concrete to use in some future blog entries. Stay tuned!

Try this practical application during the next week:

· Begin a writing task.

· Become mindful of the thoughts or statements you are making to yourself about writing.

· Jot them down.

· Classify them into two categories: positive statements or visions, and negative ones.

· Visualize times during which you have been successful and have overcome a difficulty.

· Take one or two of the negative statements and convert them into positives using the positive energy gained from visualizing your past successes.

Next week, we’ll discuss how to stop talking yourself out of writing. Until next week—don’t let those Demons of Distraction get you down.

Best regards, Geri

Check out my Web site www.managingyourmind.com for books and products about the Demons of Distraction.

In a recent post I ranted a bit about the black-and-white thinking I was hearing about the practicalities of working at home with a new baby. I wanted to go back to that to talk a little bit about my own view of how it should be done.

Ok, maybe you know me better than that: I don’t think it should be done any given way.

I recently read a lovely book called Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent by Meredith Small, and I do highly recommend it. This book describes itself as being about “ethnopediatrics;” I tend to think about it as a sort of anthropology of infant care. While this book seems to conclude a few things about how we were built, it does reinforce a central tenet: there is no right way of caring for an infant. There are many culturally-based and biologically-based aspects to how we parent.

Here are some things that the book seems to conclude:

• We evolved to be carried around. All those millennia of having neither strollers nor the safety of modern buildings meant we carried our infants while hunting, gathering, farming, etc. Babies tend towards wanting contact and movement.
• We evolved without infant “scheduling.” Different cultures deal differently with nursing and infant feeding; depending on the necessities and customs of a given culture. Infants may either feed at will, or may have to wait a while for mama/caregiver to be able to get around to it. In more contemporary societies, we may think it’s more healthful to only feed baby on a set schedule, but this is culturally-based.

Where does that leave me, as a mother-to-be? It leaves me knowing that there are options, and that baby will do fine however I feed him or otherwise care for him. There is no need to decide on principle that there is a “best” way. Taking care of myself and my business (which means taking care of my clients) can form a structure to build around. At the same time, as a coach, I can model choices that suit me and my child and family, carving out the right path for me and for us, rather than taking on the assumptions of our society of how things should be done best.

Some coaches have told me about their different ways of combining coaching with infant care; in other words, the divergent strategies that worked for them. Here are a few examples:

• Hiring a babysitter to be at the house for a block of time during which to schedule coaching calls.
• Occasionally nursing while coaching, with the knowledge and agreement of the client.
• Bringing baby to daycare.
• Scheduling a longer block with a client, with the agreement that coach will call client after she’s done nursing.
• In general, being aware that baby’s rhythms will change every couple of months.

It seems to me that it’s going to be a fascinating and compelling exercise in flexibility and ingenuity. It also seems like there are so many people telling each other which way of operating and parenting is correct, and so much bias against e.g. nursing in public, that it becomes very important and impactful to make personal choices and to demonstrate them!

Happy Friday to you all,

Becca

www.coachbecca.com

beccacolao.typepad.com

Do you feel apprehensive about writing? Do you feel jittery when you sit down to write? Do these feelings inhibit you from doing the professional writing you’d like to do? For example, you know you want to prepare a proposal for a conference but have been putting it off; or you have the idea but can’t seem to get it on paper; or you begin writing it, but run out of steam. You doubt yourself and your creative energy dissipates.

You can benefit from a few coping strategies that calm you down so that you can regain your focus and psychic energy. Here are some tried and true methods. The key is to use them systematically, not just think about them. You can relax by:

· Taking 4 to 6 deep breathes. Close your eyes and inhale slowly to the count of 4 and then exhale slowly to the count of 4.

· Stretching. Moving your large muscle groups helps to expend unneeded physical tension.

· Tensing and flexing smaller muscle groups: First open and close your fingers, hands, wrists and then make circles using your ankles and feet.

· Listening to soothing music.

· Smelling lovely fragrances.

· Drinking a non caffeinated drink or eating a healthy snack.

· Visualizing a pleasant scene or successful experience.

· Making calming statements such as: “I can shift gears. I can help myself become calm and more relaxed.”

As related to writing, one of my calming techniques is talking to other writers. When I get “antsy” about some writing issue that I encounter, I call a colleague to talk it over.

Try this application during the next week.

· Schedule a time to engage in a small scale writing task.

· Become mindful of any negative thoughts and feelings about your writing.

· Jot these down.

· Select one.

· Use one or two of the relaxing techniques to calm yourself.

· Begin the writing task.

· Repeat if the apprehension continues or if you get the jitters.

Next week, you’ll find ways to deal with a temporary writer’s block—what I call a “brain freeze.” Until next week–don’t let those Demons of Distraction get you down.

Best regards, Geri

Check out my Web site www.managingyourmind.com to find books and products about the Demons of Distraction.

ADD Coaches Blog, July 24, 2007

Defeating the Demons of Distraction: Talk Yourself into Writing

When some coaches are faced with a writing project, they worry that what they want to write is not a worthy or relevant topic. This difficulty has less to do with the coach’s actual writing ability than with the coach’s lack of confidence. This is an understandable feeling for coaches who are new to the writing game. In considering their topic, such coaches might say, “People probably know that already. Is it really relevant? Who would want to read this?” What they end up doing is talking themselves out of the writing project.

Early in my career, I made similar statements to myself, only to see that the ideas I had come up with were eventually written about by others. When I saw such books and articles appear, I became very irritated. After a few such experiences, I decided to do two things. First, to reduce my uncertainty about whether or not a topic was relevant, I asked students, clients, and colleagues if they saw my idea as a relevant topic. Second, when I had a topic or problem in mind, I would use it as the basis for a set of tips or a short presentation. Based on the feedback from such activities, I would then expand into more substantial writing projects. In addition, I decided to work with a colleague to lower the stress and increase the fun.

This strategy resulted in the publication in 1979 of Parents Are to be Seen AND Heard: Assertiveness in Education Planning for Handicapped Children, co-authored with my long-time friend and colleague, Judith Greenbaum.

Here are some tips that you might find useful in helping you decide which of your ideas are worth pursuing:

• Identify the target audience.
• List problems you have noticed.
• Identify solutions to one or two problems.
• Informally survey your intended target audience about questions and concerns they’d like you to address.
• Brainstorm formats that could communicate the message, for example, should you start with a checklist, a question and answer format, or a one-page mini-report?

These efforts will help you reduce some of the uncertainties (and risks) of feeling vulnerable when you’re considering putting yourself out there as a writer.

Try this practical application in the next week:

• Choose a trusted colleague or member of your networking group to brainstorm about possible writing projects.
• Identify possible target audiences for your topic.
• Decide the format you would use to discuss your topic, for example, a contribution to a blog or a paragraph in a handout.

Next week, we’ll discuss how to create a positive work setting so you can get and stay on the right track with your writing project. Until next week–don’t let those Demons of Distraction get you down.

Best regards, Geri

Check out my Web site www.managingyourmind.com to find books and products about the Demons of Distraction.

A year ago I went to Yosemite National Park for the weekend with a friend. I had forgotten how beautiful that place is. I made reservations for this year. I wanted to bring my grandchildren back.

We just returned and it was the best vacation I’ve ever had. There were lots of particles I had to manage on this trip: Myself (a full-time job), 2 grandchildren, 3 suitcases, 3 bicycles, a cooler, helmets, tennis shoes, food for breakfast and lunch, my GPS, and on and on.

Spending a week in Yosemite was the perfect Green Vacation. We had no cell phones, TV, radio, or computers. It was delightful. We hiked, biked, swam and simply stared at all the natural beauty and all the friendly creatures — deer, squirrels, bears. On our first bike ride in the meadow, we saw three deer simply munching their dinner in full view of the people walking by. The animals feel so safe they are not afraid of people. My grandkids saw a bear on one of the bike rides they took with a friend of mine.

Lexi, my oldest grandkid, remarked that time seemed to go so slow at Yosemite. She said, “I’m having so much fun and time is moving really slow.”

I remember that very thing being my first reaction when I first took medication for ADHD. It felt like all my clocks had stopped.

I’m grateful I am wise enough to take a green vacation instead of rafting down the Colorado River. In my 40’s river rafting was an appropriate vacation. Now, at almost 62, Yosemite and a 6-mile hike to Vernal Falls is enough.

Blessings on your journey

Pauline Laurent, CPCC
Life Coaching for Adults with ADHD
Claim Your Life Now
www.gutsycoaching.com
707-578-4226

Here’s what it looks like in the life of a 70-year-old man.

I went hiking with a group of friends on July 4th. I rode with a friend of mine who agreed to drive his van. Six of us piled in and headed out to our hiking spot. About 45 minutes into the trip, I remarked, “This isn’t the way I would go.” Nothing looked familiar to me.

My friend, the driver, then informed me that he didn’t know where he was. “How long have you been lost,” I asked.

“About 10 minutes,” he said.

We found our way to the hiking trail, but we were 45 minutes late and 10 people had to wait for us to begin the hike.

I saw my friend later in the week and he informed me that he had lost his very special leather briefcase and pen his deceased wife had given him, along with his blue tooth, his calendar and many other papers.

“What happened,” I asked.

“I forgot to lock my car and when I came back to my car after having lunch with a friend, my briefcase was gone.”

I saw him again today. He was going to do some computer work with me at his house. He wasn’t home when I arrived at the designated time.

“I bet he forgot”, I thought to myself.

I sat down under a tree in his front yard and decided that I would wait 15 minutes to see if he showed up.

About 10 minutes later he pulled up in his van.

“I had to go handle an emergency”, he informed me. “My checking account was overdrawn $800”, he said.

He wasn’t upset. I would have been in tears and having a meltdown.

I asked him if I could give him some feedback.

“Sure” he said.

I told him that I thought that much of what he had experienced this week was ADD related.

He knew it. He came to our local CHADD meeting a couple months ago. At the end of the meeting I asked him if he wanted to share.

He said, “I don’t like what I’m discovering here.”

“I don’t want to have yet another disorder”, he said.

We had a heart-to-heart talk and I invited him to come back to the CHADD meeting that I lead. He said he would.

Pauline Laurent, CPCC
Certified Co-Active Coach
Coaching Adults with ADHD
www.gutsycoaching.com
707-578-4226

I’m 5 months pregnant, and starting to puzzle about how I’ll do things like work when the baby arrives. I’ve been struck by how many people have such absolute ideas about how it should be done. Now I’ve heard the stories about how everyone professes the way you have to make each and every parenting decision. I guess I’m just surprised at how this spreads, to, well, everything.

I’ve been asking around, for example by posting to forums with other coaches, about how they combined coaching work at home with infant care and nursing. This brought out so many responses, some very opinionated or even rabid. Wouldn’t you know it, some of these responses were from people who haven’t had kids, or didn’t work from home or coach when their kids were born. It made me sad and mad- how black and white people can get. Why am I telling you this here? Because a lot of what I heard people saying had to do with attention and multitasking. In short, a lot of people seem to believe it’s bad  to multitask. They think it’s ineffective, or possibly evil. I hope they don’t coach a lot of people with ADHD, because I gotta tell you, as an ADHD coach, I help people manage and maximize the advantages of any multitasking they naturally do. For people with ADHD, it is usually about getting the right cocktail of activity or stimulation- that might include some physical activity while doing something intellectual. Or it might include background music, activity, or even television while working on something. There’s even a book, Fidget to Focus, specifically about finding your optimum combos.

I don’t claim to know how I’ll respond to having the extra person in the house, i.e., the baby, while I’m working. I can tell you that I know that a person’s very presence affects my attention and focus without my being responsible for them. That can work well or less well- it isn’t about good or bad, it just depends on what works at a given time. I certainly don’t know how this person specifically, i.e. my child-to-be, will act at different stages. But what I want to nip in the bud is the notion that I, or anyone, should deal with the combination of work and childcare, at home or otherwise, in particular ways. I’m hoping to collect more stories of quirky combos to that end (the quirks are what I love about this job!) , and I am so happy that I also received responses from people with more nuance than the folks who told me “it is never possible/doable/good to talk to a client when your baby is in the house/ you don’t have a babysitter,” or “it is unconscionable to ever even consider feeding/nursing a baby while you’re on the phone with a client.”  Funny thing: I never asserted that I wanted to do that, I just asked how others had handled it and experienced it. I guess I pushed the should-button nonetheless!

So coaches and everyone else, let’s stick to looking for whatever on Earth works for you and forget what you think is a “bad” working habit. How can we find out what works when we’re all busy judging each other?  And please, share your tales of how you did it in the comments.